i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
