Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
