if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
