mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
