Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
