I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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