Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
