i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
