my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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