I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
