if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
