make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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