I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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