u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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