we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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