still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
