Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
