So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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