so that wasnt chicken after all
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
