it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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