Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
