I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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