All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I party with great urgency now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
