im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
