At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize