i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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