Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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