so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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