You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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