...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
