you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
