Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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