If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's even glitter on my cock...
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