I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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