um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
