Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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