Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize