when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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