Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
