I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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