i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
