guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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