so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
