Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
