Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
