My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
