You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
