i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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