I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
