you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
