his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
