you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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