Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
