took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
