I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
