Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was confusing and full of hummus
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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