I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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