who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
