Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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