I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
