Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
