not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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