Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize