If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
