I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
