Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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