i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize