So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
