Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think i have herpe
just one?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are two peas in an std pod
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
