it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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