in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
