please come you make the beer taste better
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
