The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
