I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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