9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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