Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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